And out of the ashes of the lame duck 111th congress, he emerged. And they stood, astounded by what he just said. In their minds, he was clearly out of his. But, as many Republicans before him, he clearly felt that he was holier than them.
Never had there been such a true defender of Christians, except maybe the thrice married Newt of Gigantic Rich. Truly this man, who stood above all other man, possessed a wisdom so great, that never had it been seen before. A wisdom so profound that he could not even be distracted to actually take time from his schedule to read treaties and legislation. He was too engrossed in re-writing theology. A theology that excused those in his tribe from actually doing what they had been selected to do.
His proclamation that blasphemous Harry of Nevada be reprimanded for suggesting that he, Jon of Arizona, actually perform the task of his job. "How dare that Mormon" he implied. Christians do not work the day after Christmas, or any of the days of that week. That would lead them to eternal damnation.
Jon of Arizona clearly had never worked a real job in his life. And clearly, he never associate with riff-raff who did. Those blasphemers who worked to put food on their tables and a roof over their heads. During the days between Christmas and the New Year? Damn them, he thought.
The tribe for whence Jon of Arizona came, the Republicans, seem to fall in line behind him. He is our savior, they implied, Never more shall we work during the high holy days of December 26-31. We are Christians, Erick of Virginia chimed. And, before leaving for their new holiday they prepared a resolution. We hereby declare that the great biblical scholar of our Senate, Jon of Arizona, be from this day forward referred to as St. Jon Kyl, defender of Christians (and slackers)!